control and time

I'm not quite sure of anything lately and i feel so out of control. I have an obsession to want to be in control at all times. Its a curse, but it get things done and it hasnt done me too wrong untill now. I don't know why but i feel extremely out of control which isn't putting me in a very good mood. It 's no ones fault, I shouldn't have to have constant control. I feel really bad for the people around me, I know I'm probably bringing them down with my mood. I sometimes wish i didn't have friends, and i lived on my own. I feel like maybe that would help me, because then i eouldnt have naything to control but my own actions, and i could more rationally choose my actions. I also wish the world didnt run so fast. It's constantly spinning, that gives me no time to do the things i love, and no decision making time. I sometimes get this strange want to sub-exist, to just live on another plane and to be able to observe without getting in the way of things. Just some thoughts.

Till next time,
peace :)

cuts and eternal sunshine

Do you ever get those little cuts that you have no idea where they came from, and they dont ever hurt untill about an hour after you notice them. I have one of those on my finger and it's really annoying...
I've been looking through Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind quotes and i honestly love almost every second and line of that movie.
Joel: Hi.
Clementine: Hi. Didn't figure you'd show your face around me again. I guess I thought you were... humiliated. You did run away, after all.
Joel: I just needed to see you.
Clementine: Yeah?
Joel: I'd like to, um... take you out, or something.
Clementine: You're married.
Joel: Not yet, not married. No, I'm not married.
Clementine: Look man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high-maintainance, so... I'm not gonna tip-toe around your marriage, or whatever it is you've got goin' there. If you wanna be with me, you're with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were gonna save my life... even after that.
Clementine: Ohhh... I know.
Joel: It would be different, if we could just give it another go-round.
Clementine: Remember me. Try your best; maybe we can.
_____________________

Clementine: My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice, right now.

________________

it's all so beautifully written, each character with their own flaws and heartbreak individually playing its own part in the big picture of the idea.

Clementine, the spontaneous quirky who's relationship plummets and gets Joel erased from her mind
Joel, the boring guy stuck in a rut, who doesn't get out much, and falls for Clementine, but doesn't realize how much he actually loved her untill he can't stop the procedure
Rob and Carrie, a developed couple, friends with Joel, they fight alot.
Mary, secretly in love with her boss, but doesnt remember being in an affair with him, and is dating her co-worker, Stan
Stan, head over heels for mary but can tell that she has secret feelings for their boss
Patrick, who takes advantage of Clementines situation and disreguards Joel
Dr. Mierzwiak who is their boss who wipes the memories of Joel and Clementine

its just a beautiful spectacular movie.
go buy a copy, dont rent it or borrow it, buy a copy. its worth it.

Jesus Christ Superstar and What's been going on

So I went and saw Jesus Christ Superstar at the Landmark theater in Syracuse. The actor who played Jesus was the original from the movie, so he was about 60 years old (give or take) which made some of the end things a little weird due to the fact that I wasn't pleased with seeing a partly naked body of a 60ish year old man who was doing a rock and roll scream and flying in the air. Other than that I loved the play. My favorite song was Hosana, it was very catchy. I didn't like the way they portrayed Mary Magdalene, and some parts about Judas were obnoxious, but overall I loved it.

Besides that I've been doing fine.
I have patellal tendinitis, and my knees have been killing me.I've been on crutches, but I'm off now. They hurt my arms a lot. I washed my ipod, so it only plays when its plugged in to the computer or its on my dock. School is getting harder, and drama is getting later.

I've been trying to figure out what to do for Andrew for Valentines Day and I've got some ideas, but i'll figure something out.

Peace for now,
Sadie

fdknfl

Godspell & unorganization

The show was great! It was funny, weird, well acted, and it was a overall good time. we ended up meeting the cast and I got a picture with Jesus! :) It' just a cell phone picture, but it's still pretty funny. The actor who played Jesus was Amwar from American idol a couple of years ago. He has a great voice which helped his performance. I would recommend seeing it... unless you're hardcore atheist like my sister.
TOMORROW'S FRIDAY! I'm so glad! The closer to the weekend the closer I get to seeing my boyfriend, Andrew, who I miss dearly. He lives in the town over, so we don't get to see each other much, but we make it work. We've been dating for eight months today, and it makes me very happy to say so.I could go on and on about him, but I'll leave that for another post, eh?
In other newsI would like to say UNORGANIZATION SUCKS! Seriously people, take my advice, do things as soon as you can, get things done, and keep things organized! I'm not a bad student, High honor roll since junior high, and because I have no time to organize myself I'm having difficulties keeping up on work. I have no study halls and no free time.
Beh.
More later, peace :)

ReBoot and Plays

So, I was tired all day due to my sister's constant phone babble last night, and due to my fatigued state I could say I had to put alot of effort into being decent to people.
But I made it through the day, and I ended up having a great time at an after-school French club party. (we had crepes and made shoes for pere noel to leave candy in, if you don't know who pere noel is, look him up) After eating about seven crepes and having to wash my face off three times, I went to the drama club rehearsal. The rehersal is an unofficial rehersal where people who are interested in auditioning for the upcoming play Once Upon a Mattress, and they all get together and sing excerpts of the songs. My voice started cracking about two minutes in so I started belting the long, high notes with all my might. when the pianist stopped everyone loked at me like i just vanished and re-appered.
Now I'm going to a play with my friends, Kaitlyn and Taylor. I'm not sure what play we're seeing, but last time we saw Spam-a-lot, and it was a great time.

I'm off! peace :)

BY THE WAY!
I'm a huge ReBoot fan, it's an old Canadian, CGI show all taking place in Mainframe, and it's been off for a while, but some great, wonderful person is bringing it back in comic form.
Check it out! http://www.reboot.com/signup.php

Bad Mood.

Okay, so these past couple of days have been a roller-coaster of emotions. My sister started dating one of my best friends, my friends are turning their backs on me, my parents are being insufferable. But I do complain a tad much about things like these, but I feel like i have some ground.

My sister is on the rebound, and because of that I believe that my friend is taking advantage of her. But she's happy, which she has rarely been these past few weeks. So, I suppose, I should be, happy for her? I'm finding that very hard because he has a bumpy track record. But I suppose she's a big girl and can handle herself. 

One of my best friends, Dallas, has been kind of giving me the cold shoulder. She's been doing this on and off since mid-summer. She thinks that I'm selfish and self-absorbed. I have tried in the past to mend our friendship, but she keeps ignoring me at random points. I guess I'll play this by ear.

My mom and step-dad are just trying to piss me off, i swear. I know that they aren't but they tend to pop up at the worst times and try to talk. I know that they only mean the best, but it's hard to hold my tongue when all my built up stress and anger is on the verge of boiling over, and they try to have a heart to heart. 

I'm a very pissed-off person a lot. I should learn to get over it. 

In other news, I'm painting my room. Dark Plum. I plan on putting an Indian influence into it. My mom has old Indian-print curtains that I want to put up. It'll turn out nice, I hope. 

I also think I'm treating my boyfriend less than fair, since most of these pissed-off emotions get pushed off onto him, and he is he only thing keeping me sane through all this. I also don't think he realizes that I appreciate him putting up with my crap. I hope all this will blow over. Regardless, I'll need to treat him better. 

That's all for now. peace :)